The Next Day

Posted on Tue Sep 27th, 2022 @ 5:29am by Cadet First Class Pallas & Captain Callisi Verra

Mission: The Goddess
Location: Fighter Bay
Timeline: After “Kinetic Energy”
4910 words - 9.8 OF Standard Post Measure

This wasn't something that Callisi was looking forward to, but it was something she had to face. Her dignity, her pride, her respect, it was all on the line. When those doors opened, if the Cadet came in, she'd have to own up to the deplorable behavior she showed the other night to her guest. Her GUEST! She invited them into her space, showed them hospitality, showed them shows and ... it was just like Raiden all over again. Her need to be seen, as more than just a fuzzy whatever the hell the Terrans called them, oh yeah, a fuzzy bunny. With an eyepatch. And a hole in her soul..

She was under the next fighter in the bay, working to at least double the number of operable units in the bay. She poured herself into her task, dreading every time that door opened.

Pallas considered not coming to the Fighter Bay today. She was, after all, on a completely different rotation. Working for Doctor Svidi was absolutely a full time job; she had even taken to occasionally going into Sickbay late at night to try to get ahead of her next day’s tasks. So it would have, at least in the mind of some, been completely understandable to cut back on the extra volunteering she had done. That, of course, would not have been the true reason for her absence. Pallas knew this, and knew that she would know and that the knowing would weigh on her. She was not one to back down from facing something head on.

Except, apparently, for last night. The thought of the way that she had run out after creating an absolute mess of Captain Verra’s quarters was as humiliating as the mess itself. How could she, as a guest, have both sexually harassed her host, staged a one person food fight, and then just flee the scene like a coward, refusing to do the right thing and clean the place up? If her parents ever found out the way she had behaved, they would be… well, she didn’t even want to think about it.

There was no option. The only course was to take responsibility, even if it meant that she would be thrown off the ship and out of Starfleet. Pallas was never one to try to get out of the consequences for her actions. She took a deep breath and walked into the Fighter Bay, making a beeline for where they had last worked on a fighter together.

Callisi heard the doors to the fighter bay open, and the quick footsteps towards the fighter let her know that the moment she was worried about was here. Pallas was here. She took a breath, and held it as she slid out from under the fighter craft to at least give the cadet the dignity she deserved. Their eyes met, and then it was Callisi who broke the glance war first, turning to look away in shame. "Cadet..." she started, "Pallas." She corrected. At first not feeling even good enough to use her name, but realizing in the end that was the coward's way out.

"I owe you an apology. My behavior the other night was nothing short of embarrassing. I practically threw myself at you all over the moment of an honest compliment, I pressured you into a situation you might not had normally entered into, and I was a poor hostess." she said, her glance low, her ears drooped. Her body posture spoke of defeat, of shame. For someone with her background, it was like watching a beautiful flower wilt. "I can only hope that you'd forgive me. If you don't want to associate with me any further I fully understand. If you feel the want to report me, I won't contest. You were innocent in the matter, as far as I am concerned. I..." her voice broke for the first time, caught in her throat. "I'm so sorry.."

She wanted to go on, wanted to say about how it broke her to feel that she had hurt someone else, that she had pushed another away. She just couldn't find the words.

Pallas’s jaw dropped. She had finally built up the courage to admit to the truth and apologize to Callisi for her abhorrent behavior, and now. What was this? Her face contorted in confusion. “Captain Verra…” the words weren’t coming to her; it didn’t make sense. Did Callisi just apologize to her? For what, exactly? “You have been nothing but kind and supportive since I met you. You gave me the opportunity to help repair these fighters, an untrained cadet. You invited me into your home and you were nothing but a generous and welcoming host. I was the one who inappropriately put my hand on you, and I was the one who ruined your quarters and made a mess with all that food, and then I ran out instead of cleaning up, as was my responsibility as the wrongdoer. How can you…? Sir.” Pallas stood at attention. “I must decline accepting your apology, as it is against the Starfleet Academy Honor Code to stand by when untruths are spoken and to fail to take responsibility for committing unethical acts. I must therefore instead offer you my sincere apology, and more to the point, I must report myself to you for conduct unbecoming a cadet, for destruction of property, and for assault on a senior officer. It may be appropriate for you to report my malfeasance both to the Command staff of the USS Gladiator and to the Academy Commandant.”

Callisi listened as Pallas recounted the evening, and all the things their friendship had begin. She listened with a heavy heart as she got closer and closer to the end... and how the night ended. When Pallas stood at attention, Callisi straightened up a bit. "At ease." she stated. She wanted this to be as cordial as possible, and this was how the Federation handled it.

"I think it's fair to say, that from each of our perspectives, we're at fault for something that night. My encounter with the XO had left me a bit, compromised, to say the absolute least. I mistook friendship for affection, and will be better in the future. As for you." she paused, "I'll let you off with a warning in this scenario. You were brought into an uncertain environment and reacted with your heart instead of your head. A mistake that I imagine you will not be repeating again."

"As for the charge of assault, I'm not pressing charges. No harm was intended, and it was my own reading into the act that made it problematic." she continued, and then took a breath, "And I accept your apology. Forgiven." she left out the part where she was left behind, and she certainly left out the part where she broke out in tears.

Then the straight and upright rabbitess relaxed. She didn't slouch or hunch, but she certainly was a bit more relaxed. "I only hope someday you can accept my apology for my part in how that night turned out."

The cadet looked perturbed by the captain's forgiveness and attempt to share in the blame. Or, perhaps it wasn't that part of what Callisi had said that was actually bothering Pallas the most. "Would you change your mind about pressing charges if your reading of the situation had been accurate?" She blushed immediately after she spoke; the words had left her mouth before she realized what she was saying. "I... uh. Ahem," she cleared her throat. "It was inappropriate of me, in any case. But I would be adding on to my already long list of failings if, for my own sake, I allowed you to believe that you were mistaken in a way that you were not, or if I caused you to doubt your intuition and judgment."

That question seemed to be one that Callisi hadn't considered. She cupped her chin in thought. Would she? Could she? If things were what they were, instead of what they could be?

"No. If the assessment were accurate then there's already punishment enough without reprimand. A million tales across a million stars talk of affection unreturned. It would be easier to find a species that didn't know of such, rather than to lose one's mind counting the number of times it has happened before. Suffice to say, as..." she paused, and slightly turned away, "It's something I know as well."

She took a breath, held it for a moment, then slowly released it. "If you were to.. to ask me what I asked you, I want you to know the answer is yes." she stated, giving Pallas the dignity of looking her in the eye when she said it. "I don't want you never knowing. You deserve the truth." she looked away again after that, "So no, there would be no change in the outcome. You remain forgiven. What was done was done either as an innocent act as someone who doesn't know the significance of touch contact among the Ts'usugi, or as an act of open honesty in a moment of casual closeness. I cannot, in good faith, punish either." she returned to a more professional demeanor. "One is a simple error, solved with time and curiosity. The other, perhaps up until a few moments ago, was punishment enough."

"I trust this clears things up, Miss Pallas?"

If Pallas could have blushed more deeply than she already had, she would have, at Callisi's reference to the previous night's unanswered question. The question that the captain had asked the cadet which had shaken her from her momentary loss of sense, into an even deeper spiral of foolish behavior.

But to the most immediate question as to whether the situation was now resolved, Pallas shook her head slowly. "No, sir. Honestly. It doesn't really. I... understand now, what you're saying about how we both think we are at fault. I accept your apology as one that you genuinely feel you must give, and to refuse it again would be cruel. But... I still cannot parse how you can believe you did anything other than be absolutely lovely toward me. And maybe that is part of what happened, on my side. When I put my hand on you, that was not consciously intentional, but I know there is a part of me that was happy to be that close to you, when I chose to sit that close to you. It wasn't just that I was distracted by the Kinetic show--as fascinating as it was. It's an easy excuse that I am ashamed to say did come to mind as I replayed the evening over in my head, but I quickly understood it was just that: an excuse. Had I not come into your quarters in the first place... no, had I not accepted your invitation to come to your quarters for a movie night without already considering the possibility of such feelings toward you, then none of that would have happened. Conscious or not, it was a feeling that I had, which is the only reasonable explanation for my overly familiar behavior toward you. Sir."

"And, it is true that I do not know the significance of touch contact among your people. If I did, maybe I would have been more cautious, and what happened would not have happened. But I don't believe that would have changed the intention or the feelings. I believe in honesty, and from the time that I've known you, it seems that you hold that virtue close as well. You have made me realize that there is one injury for which I still have not apologized: leaving your question yesterday unanswered. Had I not behaved so reprehensibly and then fled, maybe I would have done the right thing and answered you promptly, which is what you deserve. The honest answer to your unanswered question from yesterday is the answer you already know, because it was what I said at the time: Yes, I think you are absolutely beautiful." Though Pallas's response, pulled from her steadfast commitment to live an ethical life worthy of Starfleet values, began with the strength of her convictions, the ending of it, as she rounded the corner and was faced with what she had to admit, was spoken with softer, vulnerable tones that often characterize such declarations of the heart.

Callisi took a breath, the answer one that she had imagined but never imagined hearing. She steeled herself, but then relaxed. Shoulders calm, ears at a casual half-droop. "I..." she started, then hesitated. Why? Why now did her words leave her? "I... felt guilty. That something I did, something I said, some motion or concept had offended you to the point that you felt the only recourse was to flee. When you fell, and I offered help, you ran from my quarters, ran from me. I felt that I was the source of your discomfort. I believe I see now a little more clearly." she paused again to consider.

"I think the best way to resolve this is to start anew. I.." she paused, and took a deep breath. "I'm not very good at this." she admitted softly, as though she was hesitant to admit a shortcoming, even to someone she might have feelings for. Or at least, an attraction to. "Love. Beauty. Attraction. Powerful forces, capable of starting wars or changing regimes. I don't want your feelings towards me to be the mark that ruins your career. I don't want a moment of honesty to cost a friend, or maybe more. I don't know what to do." She admitted, ears now at a full droop.

"I pilot fighter craft that skirt the laws of the cosmos, I defy death daily to prove I'm not a broken commodity. I can do a thousand things daily, but I cannot lose a friend." Not when I have so few she internalized. "I accept your apology. You were forgiven the moment you said you were sorry." She decided to fall back on Ts'usugi protocol. Five thousand years of politics couldn't be THAT far off the mark, right?

"The only thing I can conceive of is a course in cultural sensitivity, but the only two people on this ship qualified to talk to you about the Sons and Daughters of Tsusu would be myself or lieutenant commander Torma."

Pallas risked a small laugh. "And here I thought I was done with coursework before I started this Training Cruise. I am glad to have any guidance and teaching that either you or, if that is too awkward, Commander Torma, can provide. I think you have guessed, by how our friendship began, that I am a sponge for learning about how other live and the inner workings of other societies."

"But," the cadet stepped forward slightly, not onto a ledge but feeling the increase in proximity increase her heart rate in the same way that approaching a precipice would, "do you actually believe, Captain Callisi Verra, Daughter of Ts'usu, that the current... circumstances we now find ourselves in will be solved by formal lessons or even, as you suggested, 'starting anew?' I may be young, but one thing I have learned, as I believe you have, is that the past cannot be undone; there never really is such a thing as 'starting anew.' And maybe it is *because* I am young that I say this, so maybe I should also apologize for my presumption in making such claims with my limited life experience, but I think it may be better to be honest about what has happened. For me, I am here, now, an honest klutz who not only destroyed your living room, but fled in a way that caused you to imagine that you had offended me. I can own that, and accept that it happened, as I can accept that I spoke my truth to you about how you appear to me. Which is, I think, a statement of reality, and for you to percolate upon or ignore as is your right as a free sentient being. But, I don't think this is something that can be unsaid; and more importantly, it is not something that I can unfeel. Nor can I unhear that you just informed me that your answer, had I asked you the same question, would be 'yes,' as well. At scale, attractive interactions between particles can rival even gravity. Forces that exist, exist; though they are not always determinative of outcomes, they also will not be ignored."

Callisi gave a nod, listening with rising ears as Pallas stepped forward and spoke her mind. "No, no you're right. The, oh what it is.... the dog is out of the bag." she shook her head. That wasn't right but it didn't matter. Whatever it was, it was out there. "I agree that we shouldn't undo or simply erase what has happened simply because you're right, it cannot be undone. What we *can* do is move forward from that point, with the knowledge and understanding that we have now. Rather than blinding grasping at possibilities and notions, the immortal questions of Do They, or Should I, we're a little beyond that phase." she offered a soft smile.

"I don't know particle physics, but I do follow your meaning. I think. We cannot ignore our feelings, and to do so would be an insult to us both. To be that dishonest would be just, well... rude." she shook her head. "So, we have some options. Regardless of where we go from here, I will continue to be your friend. You may ask me anything about my people, and if it is a question I'm allowed to answer, I'll do my best." she paused, "There are questions we're not allowed to answer. State secrets, even this far out. No, I cannot list them. Yes, I will tell you if I cannot answer a question." she offered.

"From here, we can return to being crew on the ship. I personally don't want this option, but this is a choice we make." she paused, "The second option is we simply remain friends. We cherish our time together, we meet up for regular nights in front of the Kinetic matches, but probably sit in different chairs." she offered with a smirk. "The third option, we explore the option of us."

"You don't know particle physics...?" Pallas feigned looking hurt, but managed to return a small smile. Despite the clearing of misunderstandings, the tension between them remained thick enough to ignore the fighter bay's environmental controls. "I think you are right in that this a choice for us to make. In matters of attraction and of the heart, as in all good diplomacy, agreements freely made and mutually agreed upon, having full knowledge of the situation, seem to be the best approach... I think, maybe, um... perhaps you have noticed that I can use formality as a bit of a shield for myself. It is easier sometimes, but I do not want to use it in in a way that hides or disguises what I mean, and in that way to even hint at any dishonesty. I am attracted to you and I admire you. I can learn a lot from you, and also I desire you. Maybe that is a starting point, maybe it is enough, maybe it isn't. I am willing to... explore." The cadet made a slight face. "There is one potential issue, though, that I actually do not know how to even begin getting the answer to without having some... potentially awkward conversations. Or at least one potentially awkward conversation? I am still a Starfleet Cadet, still enrolled in the Academy. It's technically not permitted for cadets and commissioned officers to engage in romantic or intimate relationships but... are you a commissioned officer, for the purposes of that rule? I don't mean to be presumptuous, as you have not agreed to anything yet, and I think the only word we have both used so far is 'explore,' but I would not want to get you into any trouble...."

To hear the words. That was something that she would have waited forever for. "Knowing. Knowing is the greatest starting point." the rabbitess confirmed with a soft smile. This one was different from the others she wore around others. Sometimes one wore a smile because it was expected to be smiling at certain points, but in those cases it was exactly that: Wearing a smile.

This smile, soft and gentle, was honest. A smile that reached her eyes. Eye. Though the Ts'usugi eyes had no shine to them, the smile that graced her features now seemed to make that singular eye less dim. There, in the comfort of the fighter bay, alone except for the craft around them, Callisi reached up behind her own ears and started to untie something. Undid something. Then she let her hands fall, and with them her eyepatch.

The socket underneath it was damaged, but had long since healed. A long scar that usually peeked out from the top and bottom of the patch was now fully on display, and told the story of what happened to her far better than any account or any discussion. Though the tremblepad in the room was what was also now on display. The hidden prosthetic behind the patch was an engineering marvel, and of an aesthetic and craft unlike any the Federation ever employed. Delta Quadrant races. Delta Quadrant faces. Delta Quadrant graces. Smooth motions that mimicked the eye that neighbored it, a soft machined steel with a soft blue tone to it, rings and slides that contained the optic itself. An obvious mechanism with a soft blue point of light to represent the pupil of the simulacra, that winked out of existence and returned to this world whenever Callisi blinked her living eye, as this socket long had lost the lids that would do so. The hand that installed that must have been masterfully precise. Or, as she tells the story, artificial. Fiber Optic nerves, positronic neurons, and an optic perhaps not too dissimilar from the one she now possessed.

"Then I will speak to the Captain. I will have the answers to the questions we need answered. If Starfleet says we cannot, then I will ask for him, as Captain, to say yes." She spoke, calm and sure. Callisi was normally confident in her tone, except in matters of particle physics, dispensing authority, or love. Previously to this moment her confidence had waivered, mostly around the time particles were brought up, but there were other times possibly.

She had returned to the conversation.

"Your first lesson." Callisi only had about two inches on Pallas, fourteen if you counted her ears. She slowly reached across the limited gulf of space between the two of them and gently put a hand on the Cadet's shoulder. "Touch. Simple and elegant. In abundance across the cosmos but back home, reserved. Sometimes even taboo. Couples holding hands in public are looked at. Couples showing affection, looked away from. This, is a gesture so overlooked by the universe." she gave Pallas' shoulder a gentle squeeze before she leaned in, going for broke, daring for the moment.

Pressing her own forehead to Pallas'. The soft, warm fur of her forehead, pushing her hair out of the way. Too close to make out details, too close to see the flaws in the diamond, but close enough to feel that precious stone's warmth, to experience its sparkle.

"This is how we show affection. Hidden from the world. In private rooms and darkened alleys. I don't want to hide it. I don't want to keep it in darkness." she held the connection for a moment longer after her declaration, and then leaned back to an upright posture before taking her hands back to return the eyepatch to its former resting place. Concealing the Callisi-That-Is beneath, and returning to the Callisi-Everyone-Saw. "It's how we kiss. We show affection, love, admiration, desire... but can still talk." she held out a hand to the Cadet, "I will speak with the Captain, and we can discuss us further over more questions, more Kinetic, and more snacks."

"Just, hopefully not on my floor. The snacks I mean." she turned away slightly, ears turning a little tint of... wait, is THAT how her people blushed?

Pallas watched as Callisi undid and dropped her eyepatch. She was not sure she had ever witnessed anything so intimate; it felt so deeply personal, exceeding even the act of undressing, that the cadet found her breath caught in her throat. The implant, the synthetic eye, was itself beautiful. At least to Pallas; her engineer's eye instantly flickered across the mechanisms, admiring the aesthetics as well as the technological mastery. Her heart beat faster, as it did the first time she had opened up a tricorder she stole from one of the Starfleet Engineers on Ardana, marveling at the new world of design and science and artistry that it represented. Yet, it was not just the tech that moved her at this moment; it was a part of Callisi, and it moved as her other eye did, and there was both a world of difference and no difference at all, and the two parts of her seeing looked like they belonged together, and the simulated blue and biological blue were still alien and strange and wondrous and beautiful. And it wasn't clear which one Pallas got more lost in.

Then the squeeze on the shoulder. A common enough gesture for Ardanans, at least the majority of them who had not spent centuries living in the clouds. They were a tactile people, people who worked with their hands and thus communicated with them. A firm grip on a shoulder or arm could mean friendship, a greeting for a friend, comfort for one facing difficulty or loss. But when Captain Verra simply placed her hand on Pallas's shoulder now, she felt something else. It now became clear to her, what her hand on Callisi's arm the night before had meant. Unintentional closeness that was reserved for profound connection.

And then, when their foreheads touched... she understood why this to Callisi's people was like kissing. It required, in many ways, even more intimacy than a kiss; one could not just close one's eyes and let the mind wander to dreams and aspirations. The whole of the face, the whole of the head, neck, body was engaged in the act, connected to the other. The breath escaped Pallas's throat as a contented sigh.

As the captain leaned back and spoke of snacks, the cadet the caught the change in tone of the ears. A rare giggle escaped her lips, and she covered it with a hand, then dropped it, smiling. Then she let the smile drop into a professional facade, though surely Callisi's enhanced eye (or perhaps both eyes, fighter pilot ace as she was) picked up the almost imperceptible upturns at the corner of her mouth, the slightly playful smirk hidden under the future officer's best form.

"I... well, I had a run-in with Captain Hawkins. I actually literally ran into him, spilled his coffee all over both of us. He was... very strange. I don't really still fully understand what happened, but I'm fairly sure he was testing me, seeing if I had a sense of humor or could banter with him. Still, I should warn you that the topic of cadets not fraternizing with officers did come up. I do not know the man. I've seen his personnel file, he's accomplished, a former Marine, has seen a lot of action. But I have no sense of how he will react to the question being posed." This time, the sigh that came from Pallas was not one of contentedness, but of questioning.

"I've served him loyally for so long, I trust he'll consider that in my request. Humanity is addicted to the concept of the exception." she stated, "Former Marine, sortie after sortie, he and I have that in common before any consideration of Starfleet comes into play." she paused, and snatched up a PaDD from under the fighter she was tending to. "I owe him a report anyway, a request of this magnitude always works best with the delivery of progress. I, I'll keep you posted on his response." she stated, hopeful. Or at least, as hopeful as her people could sound. Generations of protocol and consideration don't vanish overnight, regardless of how much one has been dragged through the dirt.

"Well then, Captain Callisi Verra, I better let you get to your very important mission." She put her hand on Callisi's shoulder, doing her best to match the feeling that she had been gifted earlier. Then she grabbed a spanner and moved to the floor. "I was still going to keep helping you rebuild these, regardless of how this had turned out. Well, absent getting kicked out of Starfleet, but as long as I am still here, there's no reason you should be the only one having any fun," she winked by way of explanation, and slid underneath the fighter before the captain could answer.

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