Running and Stopping

Posted on Mon Sep 26th, 2022 @ 8:55am by Cadet First Class Pallas & Cadet Third Class Aarfa Barakzay

Mission: The Goddess
Location: Deck 18 Corridor
Timeline: 0500 —Day After “Meal Pack”
1961 words - 3.9 OF Standard Post Measure

Pallas sat on the deck, leaning against the corridor hallway as she relaced her shoes. It was early but between shifts, as it always was during her daily runs, both at the Academy and here on her Training Cruise on the USS Gladiator. She checked her socks again to make sure they were lined up with no extra folds, and that her laces were extra tight. Although she was always careful and particular in these things, given that today she was going to be running with Aarfa, who was multiple times faster than her, she was especially wanting to be prepared and in her best form. Pallas was dressed in her normal running gear: a grey and blue Starfleet Academy t-shirt, baby blue running shorts, and white socks and trainers. She waited for her newfound "pack mate" and did some light stretching.

A moment later, Aarfa jogged - or loped since her digitigrade stride tended to look more like a lope - around the corridor. She was dressed in a simple marron running vest and shorts cut to allow for her tail, which wagged at spotting Pallas. "Hi, ready for our run?"

Pallas smiled at her fellow cadet approached. Ardana did not have dogs, not exactly, but she had encountered enough of them on Earth to see why many identified a similarity in appearance and certain behavioral traits between the Kainan and Canis familiaris. In her mind, she shook her head again at the idea that anyone had a reaction to Aarfa as dangerous or like the human's mythological 'werewolf.' Her very amiable counterpart was the furthest thing from menacing, at least in the interactions the two of them had so far. Still, she remembered what Aarfa had said about her people and hunting, and understood that the predatory side was definitely there; it's just that Pallas refused to believe that came out in a first impression among Starfleet cadets and staff. "Hello, Aarfa. Very ready. And excited. I know you said it was okay and that you're used to it, but I really hoped my relatively slow pace doesn't bother you too much. If you need to speed up, don't worry about me," she offered as she finished lacing up and stood.

"That's nice you, but don't worry, I did my wind sprints earlier," Aarfa explained, then least Pallas think that was because of her, she hurriedly explained, "I haven't been sleeping well, and there's no use lying there awake, stressing over it, so I usually just get up and go running. There's something ...I think humans call it 'zen'... about just letting my body move freely, pure speed without any specific intent." She stretched briefly, arching her spine back into almost a c-curve and then leaning forward to stretch her hocks. "In any case, a nice jog will be a good - a workout for endurance. I shouldn't need to speed up, but if I forget myself and start to go too fast, please let me know."

“I definitely will!” Pallas nodded her head, and began moving at a jog. “I’ve heard something about ‘zen.’ I think I’ve experienced that sometimes, too, when I’ve been training for boxing. Just getting into the zone, being inside my body and just feeling it. Very different from when I’m actually in a fight, though; that’s very, very conscious and inside my head. Has to be.” She sped up slightly, but still at a comfortable jog. “You said that you haven’t been sleeping well. Do you want to talk about it? You don’t have to, but sometimes that helps me. Especially if it’s nightmares; I find that talking about it makes it more clear to myself that it wasn’t real.”

"Sparring is very conscious, to avoid injuring a partner," Aarfa remarked, joining to trot alongside Pallas. "But real fights rarely last more than minute and hesitation can get you killed, so I was always told the training is so in an actual you can respond instantly, reflexively." She frowned. The marine she'd attacked had understood and even praised her fighting as she did, but it still made her doubt. Should she have held back longer, been more conscious? ...would that even have been possible with her mental state at the time... "But my experience of close quarters fights is part of what keeps me awake. Though it's more... I told you my kind doesn't handle isolation well, and I was alone here for weeks with only the smell blood and death..." she swallowed, took a measured breath, "Now, alone in quarters... that's all I can think of and I can't sleep. Lately I've been going to the lounge and finding a booth to fall asleep in," she admitted a little guiltily.

"Oh, I didn't mean..." Pallas kept running, but almost missed a step as she realized the confusion she had caused. And possible the pain she had reminded Aarfa of. "When I said 'when I'm actually in a fight,' I meant a 'bout.' A boxing match between myself and single opponent, inside of a ring, governed by agreed upon rules of the Earth sport. I didn't mean to imply during actual, real-world combat. I'm sorry if I resurfaced bad memories for you. Although," she looked over at her running companion again, "it sounds like they are pretty much at the forefront of your mind. I can't imagine what that must have been like, to have been isolated on this ship. Wait," Pallas said, stopping mid stride, and stumbling a bit as she stopped and leaned against the corridor wall. "Did you say alone in your quarters? Did they put you in a room by yourself, after everything you went through? That's not okay." She put her hand on Aarfa's shoulder. "You'll stay with me. I can move to your quarters, if you are comfortable there already, or you to mine. There's a few empty bunks where they put me."

Aarfa heart swelled at the offer, and for a moment she was torn between sudden hope and honor. But she couldn't allow herself to take advantage of such generosity made on an impulse of kindness without full disclosure. "I'm only on temporary assignment, and..." she swallowed, "...after I hurt Lt Walken so badly, I think they were afraid of placing me with anyone, of what might happen if ...if there was a flashback or violent nightmare..." She hung her head, realizing even as she said it that her forays into populated spaces to find enough company to be able to sleep had been profoundly selfish, putting those others at potential risk.

"Well, I don't know if I already bragged about this, but I was co-captain of the boxing team at the Academy. So I've taken more than a few blows, I will be fine." She squeezed Aarfa's shoulder. "I insist. No one should be alone. Temporary assignment or not, you're still part of the pack, and we don't leave each other alone, right? Anyway, this way you can also be there for me in case I have a nightmare," she smiled.

"Thank you, but you have to know the threat isn't a blow it's that I'd lash out with claws or..." her head dipped lower, the shame of having bitten an officer still fresh, "...teeth. So I'll understand if you change your mind, but I'd be so grateful..." It all came out in a rush, the reaction speeding ahead of taking in the rest of what the other cadet had said. When it caught up, she looked up, cocking her head. "You have nightmares too?"

"Not changing my mind. You're stuck with me, roomie," Pallas said. "And, yes, I have had nightmares since I was a child. They are... sometimes they feel very real. My therapist at the Academy said this is common for people who have post traumatic stress disorder. It can be very disturbing. For me, it's a lot of falling buildings, buildings falling on me, buildings falling on people I love, people I love falling into giant gashes in the ground and getting swallowed up..."

"That's awful," Aarfa exclaimed sympathetically, heart going out to her. Whatever she'd experienced in recent years, her childhood had been secure, surrounded by a supportive pack. The only frightening things she could recall were a flood year and the mudslides that followed. "Was there a major earthquake? I've helped recover people buried by something like that, but I was older, almost 7, at the time. If you ever have a nightmare about it, don't hesitate to wake me for comfort."

The Ardanan smiled kindly at the Kainan. "I will take you up on that. It's nice to see another face, once awake, to situate myself in the present. Make sure I know what's real. Yes," she affirmed, her face grim. "Around when I was three years old... for Ardanans, that's still quite young in our childhood, not like the Kainan three years old. The tectonics on Ardana have long been unstable. At least partially due to excessive use of explosives in our zenite mining operations over centuries. That one was bad, though. The epicenter was right underneath Lejico. It was bad. I don't know whether my memories are all actually from witnessing it happen--which I did--or if some of my nightmares are reconstructed from hearing about what happened when I was older. But the dreams feels so vivid, like I'm there, feeling the ground underneath me shake, watching debris and buildings fall from the sky, the voices...."

Aarfa put a hand on Pallas shoulder, tactile physical presence being her most natural mode of comfort. If it had been another Kainan, she might have rubbed her head or even pressed against her, but she knew humanoids had different boundaries and other cultures interpreting such gestures differently. "Any time you need to see another face to reorient yourself in the present, I freely offer mine. Any time you need another to feel comfort or safety, reach for me and I will reach back." It was not quite the formula of accepting another into a close hunting pack, but the changes fit the specific need and the sentiment underneath rang true, at least to Aarfa.

Pallas put her hand on top of Aarfa's. The fur was comforting in a way she hadn't expected. "And the same goes for you. That's why I am forcing you to move in with me. Do not be so afraid of hurting others that you keep friends at a distance. I am doing my rotation in Medical right now, and I can assure you that Starfleet technology means that any accidental temporary harm you might inflict can be easily reversed. The same cannot be said for your emotional well-being if we don't make sure that you're getting the social connections and quality time with others that you need. Let's make this a regular appointment, what do you say?" she asked as she motioned about, indicating the run that they were on, and simultaneously signalling that she was ready to restart their route.

Aarfa wavered a moment - after the way the doctor had berated her, calling her beast, monster, she wasn't so sure the sort of injuries she caused could be so easily healed - but she had not harmed anyone since, not even thrashing awake with a nightmare (though she had apparently made a couple semi-drunk ensigns jump when she growled in her sleep). Perhaps that was rationalization, but she told herself she could be careful. She'd sleep in bunk far enough to keep Pallas beyond reach if she ever more than growled. It could work. And maybe they could even help heal each other. "Yes. Let's do this."

-END-