Nightmares...

Posted on Wed Jun 1st, 2022 @ 5:26am by Commander Raiden Kosugi & Lieutenant Lydia Whitlock M.D.

Mission: The Goddess
Location: Counselor's Office
1704 words - 3.4 OF Standard Post Measure

Once again he had that dream, or was it a nightmare. He had been trying to make certain to get some sleep but seemed he had a difficult time. He decided to meander towards the medical area to see if there was something that could be done. Or even talk to someone. He had to deal with this in order that it didn't affect his work.

He stepped inside, and looked around, wondering who he'd be able to speak to. His eyes landed upon someone, he couldn't make out the name at the moment. Raiden moved even more inside, then spoke quietly. "Do you know if there is a counselor available?"

Having just stepped out of her office for a small break and a raktajino from the replicator as a reward for completing half of her charting, Lydia was surprised to find someone looking for a counselor at this particular hour. People came to Sickbay around the clock, of course, so it wasn't unheard of to find people seeking assistance coming and going, but if she'd had to guess, she would have assumed the man who had approached her was struggling with indigestion or a minor cold.

Genuinely curious and appreciative of the man's forthrightness, Lydia replied, "I should hope so. You're looking at one. Lydia Whitlock," she added by way of introduction, offering her hand. "I'd be happy to see you in my office. Please, feel free to follow me."

Shaking her hand, Raiden replied, "I'm Lieutenant Raiden Kosugi." then followed her into her office. He looked around at how it was decorated. Then he turned to pay a bit more attention to Lydia.

"Thank you for seeing me, I was thinking that I needed to talk to someone, a counselor about a dream I had a few days back." Raiden walking over towards a chair and taking a seat. "I had spoken to our XO, who used to be a Counselor, about my dream. As it turned out, it may have been something else." Raiden remarked. "Have you ever experienced a... mind meld? Well possibly it was what it was. And have someone invade your mind?'

As Lydia settled herself in a chair opposite the lieutenant, she listened carefully, not certain what she expected to hear, but also knowing when he was finished, it was decidedly not what he offered. Taking a moment to consider what his question might have to do with a dream he had experienced, she shook her head. "Thankfully, no, I haven't experienced anything like that. Why do you ask?"

He took in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "Well, I had have come to the conclusion that I have been an unwilling party to a mind-meld. Well that is after I had discussed this with Commander Ziyal. You see, I had a nightmare that someone who used to be a part of this crew, had tried to kill me, but in my dream, I killed her. She is alive and had left the ship. I checked to make certain that I hadn't in reality killed her. I did find evidence that she had been in my room, and... she had been in my mind." his voice went a bit wooden as he spoke of this. "I now am having a repeat of that dream, come to my mind so, what can I do to combat this. And how can someone be so... daringly invasive in doing something like that?"

It was a lot for the counselor to absorb just hearing it, but she could only imagine what it took to say it. Although the specifics of the experience were new to her, she recognized the impact of trauma, and particularly, violation, immediately. Lydia had a lot of questions, but she was mindful that she needed to ask them carefully and not leave Raiden the impression, however unintentionally, she doubted him. Even though Lydia was still sorting out the particulars, she recognized this was not something easy for anyone to talk about, but especially someone like Raiden.

"I'm so sorry you've had to face such revelations. I think there are a number of things to unpack about this experience, and I have some questions that I think will help us to make sense of things, but I appreciate you coming to me with this. I can imagine it's not easy to talk about. To answer your question, there are a variety of reasons people engage in this sort of violence, but most of them boil down to a need for power and control. Whatever the reason in this case, however, I can promise it wasn’t your fault.”

Raiden nodded, "Of that I have no doubt that it wasn't my fault. It seemed said person was seeking something, information that I may have in my mind. Also if I had died, who knows who may have come in my place to fly the Arcadia. Different factors there, and unknown factors. Scary thought especially with what we are dealing with." his hand though did reach up to where the person touched the points on his face. "I think definitely talking about this will keep me somewhat sane." Raiden said half jokingly. "I will say this, it really angered me and made me feel ill. Not a good combination."

It pleased Lydia to know he didn't blame himself for any of this, but it also seemed apparent he was uncomfortable and doing his best to both minimize it and acknowledge it all at the same time. The half joking tone struck her as just another indication of his discomfort. No one wanted to talk about being violated, but even in this day and age, that was especially true for the male of any species. "Those feelings are perfectly understandable, and I agree that talking about this will be better for you than keeping it to yourself. Will you tell me more about how you and the commander came to the realization this had happened? I believe you, I just want to understand the specifics in case there are additional medical and psychological factors to take into consideration."

"How it was figured out, the possibility of a mind meld we were talking and I.. Oh I don't quite know how to explain it but, even if a person is asleep the mind can register something, even in a coma. I had a memory of my face being touched in the areas I had showed you. Those areas seemed to be more sensitive than usual." he shook his head, "That must sound a bit crazy. I was describing the nightmare and how real it seemed and felt. After talking things over, and the commander, who used to be a counselor, started putting the clues together."

Raiden frowned, "It was horrifying to find out that I wasn't alone in my room, and definitely not safe. A substance had been found in my bloodstream, I had gone to check, in sickbay as I was a bit shaken up. And had an item tested that I had found in my room. But back to your question, it was all a matter of the Commander asking questions and listening to me." he gave a slight shudder. "This certainly is really difficult to even discuss. And honestly I would rather bury it under a ton of granite. I don't intend on dwelling it. I intend on accepting that this happened and I have to move forward."

Lydia made a mental note to find out exactly what had been found in Raiden's bloodstream and more about the object he mentioned. It certainly sounded logical a mind meld could have taken place given what he had described, but like Raiden, Lydia wasn't sure what the purpose of such a violation would be. He seemed to think the person responsible was after some specific information, but at the moment, she had more pressing things to attend to.

"I can see where the impulse to bury this comes from, but as you might expect, in my experience, the more someone fights to suppress an experience, the more it is given fuel to come to mind when you least want it to. The only way to decrease the power of the experience is to relate it repeatedly while also allowing yourself to acknowledge and manage the intense emotions and thoughts that come with it. For this process to work, however, it's important you are taught skills to cope with these intense emotions and thoughts first. Otherwise, you're just relating an experience that continuously reopens mental wounds without any sort of plan for healing. For example, when this experience replays in your mind now, what do you say to yourself about it and what do you feel?"

"I say it happened and why the heck did that happen? It is a mystery that may not ever be solved. However, I also have a sense of satisfaction that I turned the tables and did not die. I fought back, I was triumphant and to me that was important. It made me feel that even though there was a weak point in my mental state, I still rallied and I won." he took a breath, "I do know though that doesn't make me invincible either."

Lydia nodded. "None of us are invincible. Tell me about the part of you that believes there is a weak point in your mental state?"

"When a person is asleep their mental faculties are weakened, whereas when awake it is easier to keep the mental shields... Barriers, walls whatever a person can call it or utilize it. Hence my saying it was a weak point. Also... did you know that there is a substance that helps to lower a person's resistance as well, making them more susceptible to suggestions"

"Are you speaking of a neurotransmitter or something more artificial?" Lydia asked. She wondered if the sudden question about substances impacting one's mental state was a deflection from any further discussion of his feelings or sense of self blame. "Either way, if it's natural and normal for someone's mental defenses to be down during sleep, Is it truly a weakness or strength by design to promote survival?"

TBC