Clearing the Air

Posted on Wed Sep 27th, 2023 @ 10:34am by Lieutenant JG Eira Cortez & Commander Raiden Kosugi

Mission: Just Another Day on Gladiator
Location: Gladiator and Unknown
3268 words - 6.5 OF Standard Post Measure

ON:

Eira thought the conversation with Captain Vanora Steele had gone pretty well, considering it was a last-minute decision to go and speak with her about transferring to her ship and going back to Intelligence. It felt to her like the decision had snowballed from a thought to a conversation with Captain Hawkins, to a conversation with Captain Steele, and now she was packing her life up again to transfer to yet another ship.

As she folded the blue patchwork blanket that sat on the end of her bed and the picture of her and her brothers into her bag, Eira thought of Raiden and how he was probably one of the only people on the Gladiator that she had formed some kind of relationship with, and that he would be disappointed she never actually said goodbye to him in person and he would find out she’d gone from Captain Hawkins.

Taking a moment to stop and reflect, Eira sat on the bed and said softly, “Computer, record a message for Commander Raiden Kosugi. Once this recording has finished, please deliver it to him with the instructions for it to be opened in three hours’ time.” With that, she recorded a message specifically for him, and only him.

They were due to arrive at Memphis Island or for that matter Deep Space 7. He was looking forward to seeing what it all entailed. He'd not been there before. A beeping from his computer drew Raiden's attention and he activated his screen, he wondered who would be sending him a message then he saw it was, Eira?! He decided to take a seat, the lights down low to where it was just the light from the computer screen. And he watched and listened.

Eira sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the screen, at Raiden. She knew this was going to be one of the most difficult things she would have to do and she didn’t even know if it was going to be the right thing in the long run. Thoughts crossed her mind: will he forgive her, would they be able to move past it?


”Hey Raiden,” Eira began and cleared her throat. ”Um, you’re probably wondering why you’re getting this message instead of seeing me in person. Well, that’s because I’m no longer here. And I don’t mean that in the kind of way your mind has just jumped to. By the time you’re watching this, I’ll have successfully transferred to serve under Captain Steele and be back with Starfleet Intelligence. And before you go saying anything, it’s got absolutely nothing to do with you. For a while now being Chief Operations Officer hasn’t really sat well with me, and I’ve found that this latest mission has basically opened my eyes to see that I can be more useful doing what I love: intelligence work.” She folded a leg under her for comfort and smiled, “Being out in the field, doing covert missions, gathering secret data and files? I miss it, and I know that I’ll be getting back to this and the person I liked by going with Captain Steele.”

“I’ll admit that it was a last-minute decision, but I had a good talk with Captains Hawkins and Steele, explained what was happening and why, and they both agreed to process the transfer through. The only request I made was that you and the crew didn’t know about it until I had already gone.”

“As for you though, saying goodbye in person wasn’t really an option, and for that, I’m truly sorry.” Eira looked downward and pouted for a moment before looking back up, “It’s already broken my heart just thinking about how to say all this. Each and every moment I’ve shared with you has been amazing and is definitely something I’ll never forget. You’ve allowed me and all my brokenness to be happy and at peace and I know that if it was a different timeline where you weren’t the XO and I wasn’t a lower rank and we were just two normal people, I wonder if I would’ve had the guts to ask you to be my boyfriend or even vice versa? What I’m saying is, I don’t regret anything between us and I’d kind of like it to continue because you’re the last person I would want to lose..” She shrugged through the tears that had begun to form.

“I know I’ve probably just gone on a bit too long, but I feel like I owed you an explanation.” Eira looked back at the screen and saw her own reflection, “I get that you’ll need time to process it all but when you’re ready, I’m going to be here. I’ll see you around, Raiden.” She smiled and wiped the tear away before finishing with, “Computer, end message.”


When the message ended Raiden just sat there staring at the screen, he then had the computer replay the message. He pinched himself to see if he was just dreaming, the small amount of pain proved that he wasn't dreaming at all. He at first did have some concern with how the message had been started, but that feeling soon faded though with the relief at her assurance that she was still alive. He didn't know just how he'd be able to handle it if this message was a permanent farewell. As in, her taking her own life. He shook that nonsense out of his mind though. Eira wasn't that sort of person, she was a strong capable woman who had faced some terrible things.

Raiden understood Eira's reasoning, her epiphany as it were. He fast-forwarded the message to where her other jaw-dropping revelation, had hit him hard. He didn't pick it up that she was maybe wanting to be more, was interested in him in that way. Or did he know but kept himself at a distance due to what happened to him? Raiden leaned back in his chair, stretching out his legs and rubbing his face with both hands, giving out a groan. She was gone, she left, she left before he could... He pulled in his legs and rose up from the seat pushing it backwards with a strong shove. It tipped over, a couple of the wheels still spinning. He shook his head, he had to let her go for now. He will contact her later on, he'll contact her now... Picking up his chair and set it back in front of his computer.

He went to send a message to Eira hoping that it will get to her. "Eira, I can understand you not wanting to speak face to face. I will contact you at some point in time." He swallowed hard working the lump in his throat, back down. 'Y-you take care, be safe as much as you can do so. And you will not lose me. I feel I am not able to say enough, I have to let you go on your new path. Just... just be safe." he ended his recording, and sent it off, then sat there staring at the computer screen, blindly.

On her new ship in her new quarters, Eira had some downtime and sat alone at the end of the bed and put her knees up, and curled her arms around them as she watched the reply from Raiden. She could see that he wasn't okay and felt a pang of genuine guilt but was happy enough to know she wouldn't lose him.

She reached out to the screen to call him but hesitated, thinking he wouldn't be there. Or would he? Would he still be reeling about what she told him? The statement of I have to let you go on your new path would be something she thought about for a while, maybe there was some context behind it? She needed to know, to maybe get closure on that chapter if he didn't feel the same.

Taking a deep breath, she said out loud, "Computer, open a video call with Commander Raiden Kosugi of the USS Gladiator." The screen went to connecting and Eira wanted him to pick up but also not pick up at the same time.

Raiden gave a start when he heard the alert from his computer, he had been lost in thought. Reaching out he activated the screen and found himself looking at Eira, his eyes widening. "Uh Eira? Hello"

She offered him a warm smile, "Are you surprised I'm calling you so soon after I left you with that bombshell?" She still smiled and pushed her hair back behind her ear and manoeuvred herself to have one leg hanging off the bed and the other folded beneath her.

Raiden slowly nodded then answered, "I wasn't expecting you to answer so quickly, I thought you were already on a mission." he reached up and rubbed the back of his head, then moved closer to the screen. "Are you doing alright?" he asked for an starter.

Eira played with the ends of her hair and curled the bottom of a small piece of it around one of her fingers, "Captain Steele, Vanora, knows what we've just been through so she's cut me a little bit of slack and given me a bit of down time before we start on a new mission." She was grateful for the bit of leway she got in terms of that, "And I'm good. I feel.... more like I'm where I need to be. So we'll put it down to I'm going good." It had only been less than a day but she already missed him. "How are you doing?"

"I am going to be okay. All that has happened, it's a lot to take in and definitely needing time to process it all. And your message, it well, was a lot to take in too. Also you and I made a connection when we first met, then you and I spoke later on as to what happened with me, afterwards." Raiden refering to the encounter with that other Intelligence officer. "It changed me, changed my outlook on where I might be going. It may have also affected my wanting to get closer to ladies, for the time being."

His voice softened "I'd like to think though, that in another lifetime if things were as you had put it, us not being in Star Fleet, I would have asked you to be my girlfriend. That though, will not be able to come to pass. Our paths have diverged and gone in different directions." he groaned with frustration covering his face for a moment. "Thinking on what I just said sounds so, cold."

"Oh," Eira replied quietly. He was right: that was a cold reply. "Well, I guess, one could always hold out hope..." She let her voice trail off into nothing, "I think I might let you get back to whatever you were doing before... I'm kind of getting tired now." Her internal thought process was that she would not allow her emotions to cloud her judgement of people again, and that she'll continue to portray the icy demeanor that everyone else saw.

A look of genuine concern became evident, in Raiden's eyes and it showing in his expression "I hope that some time you and I can talk face to face. I do feel that I have done you a lot of harm, without realizing it. Even though you said I've helped you, and you've helped me. Maybe it is more on the fact that I've hurt you and that isn't something I wished to do, Eira." he swallowed down the lump in his throat. He was not going to go down the road of emotional blackmail.

Eira shrugged half-heartedly in response: it wasn't that she didn't care about getting hurt, it was more the fact that she had allowed herself to get hurt by playing into what she was feeling. "I know it was unintentional, but what happened, it happened for a reason and one thing led to another and now we're here." She wasn't trying to return the coldness in her own tone intentionally. "But please don't beat yourself up over it. We just went about things the wrong way."

Raiden gave a nod, "So much happening in such a small amount of time. I will do my best to not beat myself up long term. I am however, going to be assessing my own actions and be more careful. Look Eira, I do care a great deal about you. You and I did click on a deep level, deeper than what I realized." a warm smile coming from him. "I can honestly say I will never regret having met you ever. " there can be seen a mistiness in his eyes. "I don't want to lose you as one of the important people in my life. Also though, I don't want to be any cause of you second guessing yourself, your intuitive thinking and feelings. You have great instincts Eira. Don't doubt them, not anymore."

She took everything he'd just said and realized she felt exactly the same way. "There's no doubt now, not any more," she echoed, "Don't worry though, I'm still going to be here. Plus, the only time I've really second guessed myself is thinking that gold looks better on me than gray." A light laugh came through.

"Well grey does suit you rather well." he went silent as it seemed that there was a struggle within Raiden, a contemplative expression appearing. Then he spoke with a great deal of feeling, "Eira, I do care about you as I had said but there is another word or phrase that can be said. I do love you, pure plain and simple. You are an amazing woman, one whose talents and capabilities are blooming once more. You are returning to an environment that I can see is already giving you more happiness that you've not had in a little bit. I hope you don't mind my saying what I said. I am sorry that love didn't translate into something more, as in us being together. " there was a tint of regret as well. "I just felt you needed to hear those words and know those are not given lightly."

The words, the meaning and the feeling behind it seemed foreign to her. They made her feel wanted, they made her feel like... Oh hells, that's all she'd been wanting to hear for so long from someone she cared about. Instead, all she could do was sit there with a look on her face that she wasn't sure of and she could feel her cheeks flush pink and her eyes mist up slightly. "You... love me? Are you sure?" In hindsight, she'd look back on what she'd said at that moment and think of how awkward she was being and probably laugh at it.

"Yes I do, I truly do and I am sure about it, one hundred percent." Raidens' grin went from ear to ear, seeming to light up the very air. "You are someone worthy of love on whatever level there is. And you will always have a place in my heart, you being rather firmly rooted there." placing his hand over his heart. "Don't ever forget that, Eira."

Eira got over the awkwardness and laughed, feeling the warmth of his honesty wash over the ice that was her heart, "I guess we're kind of stuck with each other then, huh?" She started to talk a bit faster to get over the awkwardness, "Because out of everyone that I've ever met, I've only ever been able to say those three words with one hundred percent honesty back to my Aiden but this? This is different, and I know that if we were in a different time and space, our kids would've been gorgeous and I would be saying it to you every opportunity. I..." Her voice faltered for a moment and then added quietly with her head bowed slightly, "I... guess I love you too."

Raiden realized the amount of effort that it took for Eira to even say that. Also her comment about them if it happened, having gotten together would have had beautiful babies. He felt his face warm, realizing that he was blushing. "I am certain that they would have your looks more than mine." his voice soft as well. "Just definitely take care of yourself, and Vanora is someone who is quite the capable woman. I actually had the pleasure of meeting her. She won't do you any wrong, and she is fiercely protective of those who she works with."

Eira looked mortified as she realized what she'd just said, "Did I actually just say that out loud?! I can't retract that statement now, can I?" She laughed at it but appreciated he thought the same. "You know I'll always take care of myself, and I reckon I'm going to like Vanora and my new crew."

Raiden chuckled, "Nope you can't take that back now. Be well Eira, and don't be afraid of opening your heart to others. I know its going to be risky but, don't close your heart completely off. Definitely guard it well, too. I know sounds a bit wishy washy, however I thinkk I am making sense in that." he reached up and scratched his head "I am not always good with words. Just you will be missed. And somehow keep in touch from time to time, if allowed that is."

"And just look at where opening up to someone got me, hah, right here. And you've got a fine way with words, unlike me." Eira moved slightly and straightened up her posture, "Once we leave Memphis Island, you won't be hearing from me or anyone from the Liranarix for a while, unfortunately. How long that's going to be, I have no idea."

"I get it and also Eira, you do have a fine way with words. You got me to open up and start on the path of healing." he swallowed hard, "Well whenever someday you can reach out to me, do so." he went quiet for a moment, just searing her image into his heart and his mind. He puffed out a brief bit of air then grumped, " I don't want to close this conversation down, but I know that we've got to do so. Happily or hopefully this won't be a final goodbye. Instead I am going to say, until we meet again someday."

"Spend a final night with me when we get to Memphis Island, and that will be enough for now." Eira smiled, taking notice of the way he was looking at her. "But you're right: this won't be a final good bye."

"Okay, sounds like a plan." Raiden responded, "Until then Eira, guess we'll sign out for now." giving a nod and a smile.

"Have a good night, Raiden." Eira smiled. She clicked off the screen and taking her long hair and securing it in a clip, she started to get changed and ready for bed.

"You too Eira." Raiden replied with an answering smile. The viewscreen went dark and the Asian Executive officer leaned back in his chair. He wasn't certain what was going to happen when he and Eira meet but for now it was time to sleep.

OFF